A few days after Christmas, A mother was working
in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son said "all of you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop. And all of you sons of bitches that are getting on,get your asses in the train cause were leaving".
The mother went in and told her son, we don't usethat kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go into your room for two hours. When you come out, you can play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.

Two hours later, the son comes out of his bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the son mother heard the son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your ride was a pleasant one.
We hope you will ride with us again soon. For those of you who are just boarding the train, we ask that you stow all of your hand luggage under the seat, remember there is no smoking except on the club car. We hope you have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today".

"For those of you who are pissed off with the
two hour delay , please see the bitch in the
kitchen.

Two Blonde Girls.

Two blondes were walking down the street. One blonde finds a little mirror, looks in it, again, and again. Puzzled, she says to her friend, "I just know I've seen this face before!" "Give it to me", says the other blonde. She looks in the mirror and says, "Of course, you silly! It's me!!"

The 2 Big Boys.

A couple had two little boys, ages 6 and8, who were excessively mischievous. Thetwo were always getting into trouble and their parents could be assured that if any mischief occurred in their town their two young sons were in some way involved.The parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their sons' behavior.
The mother had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if he thought they should send the boys to speak with the clergyman.
The husband said, "We might as well. We need to do something before I really lose my temper!"

The clergyman agreed to speak with the boys, but asked to see them individually.
The 6-year-old went to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even more stern tone, "Where is God?"
Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "Where is God?" At that the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home, slamming himself in his closet.His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?"

The younger brother replied, "We are in
BIG trouble this time. God is missing
and they think we did it!"

Annoying Boy on Bus

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and
starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little
bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If
my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little
elephant.''

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry
and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was gay and your mom was a
prostitute?!''Then I would be a bus driver...

The beautiful apartment

* A proper man met a beautiful girl and agreed to
spend the night with her for $500. So they did,
and before he left, he told her that he did not
have any cash with him, but that he would have
his secretary write a check and mail it to her,
calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT." On the
way to the office he regretted what he had done,
realizing that the whole event was not worth the
price. So he had his secretary send a check for
$250 and enclosed the following note:

Dear Madam,
Enclosed find a check in the amount of $250 for
rent of your apartment. I am not sending the
amount agreed upon, because when I rented the
apartment, I was under the impression that:
1) it had never been occupied;
2) that there was plenty of heat;
3) that it was small enough to make me cozy and
at home. Last night, however, I found out that it
had been previously occupied, that there wasn't
any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately
returned the check for $250.00 with the following
note:

Dear Sir:
First of all, I cannot understand how you expect
a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied
indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of
it, if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the
space, the apartment is indeed of regular size,
but if you don't have enough furniture to fill
it, please do not blame the landlady.

The Two Blonde
* Two women jump off a bridge, one was blonde and
the other brunette. Who hits the ground first?

The brunette, she just fell but the blonde had
to stop to ask for directions.

*Three blondes were driving down the highway
trying to get to Disneyland. They saw a sign that
read: 'DisneyLand Left.'

So they went home

 

 

Son of  a Bitch

* A sixteen year old girl goes to confession.
Father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch
yesterday.

Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch?? the
priest asked.

Because, father, he touched me on my arm
without permission.
Do you mean like this?? He touches her arm.
Yes father.
That's no reason for calling him a son of a
bitch.

But father he also touched my breasts.
You mean like this?? He touches her breasts.
Yes father.
That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.

But father, he took off my clothes.
Like this?? He takes off her clothes.
Yes father.
That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.

But father he then put his you-know-what in
my you-know-where.
Like this?? He put his you-know-what in her
you-know-where.
Yes father, she says sometime later, after
catching her breath.
But that's no reason to call him a
son-of-a-bitch.

But father, he has AIDS.

That son of a bitch!

Money

*Money can't buy happiness...But it sure
makes misery easier to live with..

The Story of Hell!!!